Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Stupid E-Commerce Class

Everything below is fictional. Any resemblance to the present, past or future is my bad luck and pure co-incidence.

E-commerce is an elective, I have taken for this semester. In every e-commerce class, 2 students will take seminars (each a seminar) and the teacher will sit in the last bench, behind the rest of the class. These seminars will be covering the syllabus for the course. Every student will need to take a seminar in the roll list order. This is how he (the teacher) has planned to deal with the course. Comfortable, isn't it? All he needs to do is come to the class, sit in the last bench, pass the time asking people to sit properly, take attendence and get paid for it by the Govt. of India. For some reason, whenever he talks to the class, he keeps his face like he is under chronic stomach pain. One tiny nice part is that its enough if we go for only 12 classes for the whole semester and we will not get attendence shortage.

Today, in the e-commerce class, this stupid thing happened. It was almost 30 minutes through the class, and the 2nd seminar for the day was nearing its end. The class was extremely boring, not to mention this semester in itself has been quite boring and irritating. So to lent it all out, when the seminar just got over, we started clapping. I dont know who started clapping and why the others were clapping. Nonetheless, I joined them. When we were done clapping, he called me from the back and asked me why I clapped. I told him that my classmate gave us a good seminar and so I was appreciating his efforts. He knew I was bluffing, and I knew he would know. He said, "Then, tell me what is anitinic?". I didnt even understand what that last word was. I still dont know. "Anitinic" is what it sounded like. I vaguely remembered that the topic for the seminar was "Web based tools for E-Commerce" and I knew for sure that he knew nothing about the answer. So I started, "Anitinic is a web-based tool that is widely used by many companies to promote their products and sales over the internet. It has many features that include". He stopped me then. I, for a second, thought he knew the answer and that I got it wrong. But he said, "Stand up and say it loudly". I gained more confidence, then that I could understand he knew nothing. So I stood up and said loudly what I had said already and "billing features, shopping cart etc. Shopping cart is the best thing. You can add stuff and remove stuff from the cart. When you add, it gets appended to the cart, which is good because other things are there. Finally, when you finish shopping, you can check the cart to confirm. It will then calculate the bill with taxes. We can pay the bill through credit card or paypal. Once we pay the bill, the stuff we bought will come to our home." I said this whole thing without laughing and looked in his eyes as if I was telling him that it was the exact answer. He said, "Ok sit down." I can bet that what I said is not even close to the answer. He took this nonsense with no doubt. I mean who can be this dumb? We all now know that even he doesn't listen to the seminars. I think I got the idea or inspiration from my school classmate, S.Venkatesh (we call him "swenki").

What did Swenki do? It was 11th or 12th std. Our beloved maths teacher, Prem Chand, was teaching some problem in which we had to equate the tensions of the rope on either side of a frictionless pulley. He normally interacts with the class. So he asks Swenki, "What is tension?" Swenki started saying, "Sir, when we pull a rope," At this moment, the teacher nodded and was happy that he was getting the right answer. But Swenki continued to say slowly but without any pause (with actions describing what he was saying), "the electrons in the atom will spin very fast, making the near-by atoms to ..." While he continued to make this stuff on his own, all of us in the class couldn't stop laughing. After a minute or so of Swenki's explanation, which seemed to go on, becoming more funny with each second, our teacher asked him to stop, saying not to go into very deep physics, and asked Swenki to sit down. I dont know how Swenki pulled out a minute long comedy instantly. Oh man, it was too good.